Family Matters

• Children of divorced parents are increasingly the victims of abuse and neglect. They exhibit more health, behavioral, and emotional problems, are involved more frequently in crime and drug abuse, and have higher suicide rates.
• Children of parents who have divorced more frequently demonstrate a diminished learning capacity, performing more poorly than their peers from intact two-parent families in reading, spelling, and math. They have higher dropout rates and lower rates of college graduation.
• Divorce generally reduces the income of the child's primary household and seriously diminishes the potential of every household member to accumulate wealth. For families that were not poor before the divorce, the drop in income can be as much as 50 percent.
• Religious worship, which has been linked to health and happiness as well as longer marriages and better family life, is less prevalent in divorced families.

As a twenty year veteran of the U.S. Army, law enforcement and foster care I assure you that at no time in the history of our world are the children you love more susceptible to child sexual abuse. Oh yes, we hear regularly of “stranger danger” when a child is abducted and often killed by a pedophile. However, the greatest risk our children face is not strangers. In the greatest majority of the case the sex offender is well know and often liked by the child and the child’s family. Child sexual abuse is the “silent epidemic.”

Consider these facts.

• 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way; 68% are abused by family members.

• Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.

• 59% gain sexual access to their victims through, seduction or enticement.

• The typical child sex offender molests an average of 117 children, most of who do not report the offense.

• About 60% of the male survivors sampled report at least one of their perpetrators to be female.


Cyber Predators.

No only could the offender be someone you know.  The predator could be in "cyberspace." A growing problem is cyber child predators. These individuals often pose as children or teens to begin online dialogues with victims. They are shrewd, intelligent and persistent. With older youth they may use extortion or threats.

Don’t fall into a false sense of security. Your children may be at risk right now. Even with decades of knowledge related to child predators two of my own daughters were preyed upon.

Fortunately because of sound relationship with our children my wife and I were told that someone had gain access to both their college and personal email accounts. The local police and FBI were contacted and an investigation launched. Even though there was many dozens of victims my daughters were the first to report the crime. The majority of the parents were not even aware that their teens had been victims until contacted by the FBI and other law enforcement authorities after the seizure of the perpetrators computer.

See this online FBI Press Release for details.

http://birmingham.fbi.gov/dojpressrel/pressrel08/bh080508.htm


Families, be vigilant in protecting your children. If I can help let me know.

Grandparents Day is this Sunday and I am convinced that the prayers of my maternal grandmother are the reason I am a Christian today. Although she died when I was over a decade old the legacy she left was one of a loving service to God, family and others. Ironically, she collapsed and died one Sunday morning while getting ready to go to church and lead a Bible study.

Just a few months ago I had the opportunity to speak at the funeral of another wonderful grandmother. She was the grandmother of my children. She too was a servant. She too was a Bible teacher. She too was a woman of influence even though she never was a person of affluence. She died in the home she was born in the arms of another great grandmother, my wife.

Last week I had the opportunity to "babysit" my granddaughter while her parent when on a "date."  I must admit I would have rather read a book of my own instead of her select.  I also would have watch something other than "Mickey" on T.V.  However, the highlight of our few hours alone was when she cuddled up under my arm.  A sign of affection?  A sign of trust?  Whatever the reason I loved it.

While my wife and I have only been grandparents for just over two years it has been a joy. This joy is not uncommon. According to grandparents.com 72% think being a grandparent is the single most important and satisfying thing in their life.

Here’s more evidence that grandparents love their role

• 63% say they can do a better job caring for grandchildren than they did with their own

• 68% think being a grandparent brings them closer to their adult children

• 90% enjoy talking about their grandkids to just about everyone

Grandparents take care of the grandchildren.

• 72% take care of their grandchildren on a regular basis

• 13% are primary caregivers

• 92% have changed their grandchild's diaper

• 64% accompany their adult children or grandchildren to the doctor

Grandparents are generous with their time and money.

• They make 45% of the nation’s cash contributions to nonprofit organizations.

• They account for 42% of all consumer spending on gifts.

• 15% have volunteered at a shelter

Oh, and don’t forget this Sunday, September 12, 2010 is Grandparents Day. About 66% of grandparents have never celebrated this day. Make it a special day for a grandparent you know and love.

One of this generations most well known authorities on the topics of management and effectiveness is Dr. Stephen Covey.  His landmark book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has been used by millions seeking to be effective.  So what was so unique about this book that attracted so much interest?  I contend that there is nothing new about this writing.  It is merely the repackaging of ancient truths.  This was reinforcement in my mind today as I read an assignment presented to me by a doctoral student in a  course entitled, "Leadership and Ethics." The student is a minister and holds both an MBA and MDiv.  Here is what she had to say to a fellow student posted in a discussion forum.

"The real world is not easy rather it is difficult. Leadership (integrity) is even more challenging and has additional responsibilities, pitfalls, setups, and people tugging for more attention and pushing you to the very limits. For me, the Bible is a road map for every aspect in life in which I prepare myself for daily battle and activity. Dr. Stephen Covey works it well in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (1989) and I work it daily this way:


Habit 1 – Be Proactive: Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil - Ephesians 6:11 NASB (1995).

Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind: For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.- John 3:16 NASB (1995).

Habit 3 – Put First Things First: But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you - Matthew 6:33 NASB (1995).

Habit 4 – Think Win/Win: But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place – NASB (1995).

Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand then to be Understood: Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves – NASB (1995).

Habit 6 – Synergize: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose – NASB (1995).

Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw: Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another – NASB (1995)."

You notice she stated, "For me, the Bible is a road map for every aspect in life in which I prepare myself for daily battle and activity."

Yes, this mean the Bible serves as the most authoritative source for marriages and families.  Think about it.

The ultimate book on wisdom is Proverbs. One brief verse that echos in my mind is, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." Proverb 12:15 (ESV)  Here's a few tidbits to ponder.

• "The family should be a closely knit group. The home should be a self-contained shelter of security; a kind of school where life’s basic lessons are taught; and a kind of church where God is honored; a place where wholesome recreation and simple pleasures are enjoyed." --Billy Graham, “My Answer,” syndicated newspaper column


• "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." --Found in The Bible, Psalm 127:1, NIV

• "It’s important to let our kids know we are aware of our inadequacies. Tell them. You have nothing to lose in honestly admitting to them that you didn’t do everything correctly as a parent. The admission may be the key to opening communication and beginning the process of healing your relationships with your kids." --Stephen Arterburn and Jim Burns, When Love is not Enough"

• “Discipline is demanded of the athlete to win a game. Discipline is required for the captain running his ship. Discipline is needed for the pianist to practice for the concert. . . .If parents believe standards are necessary, then discipline certainly is needed to attain them." --Gladys Brooks, as quoted in The Gift of Family by Naomi Rhode

• "Let your eyes light up when your children are around. Laugh more. Tell them how empty and quiet it is when they’re not there. Enjoy the things they bring to your life. Attend their activities, not as if they were compulsory for parents, but throw yourself into their lives." --Valerie Bell, Getting Out of your Kids’ Faces and into Their Hearts

For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:14

From October 3, 1954 'til September 17, 1960, father knew best. On 203 television episodes of Father Knows Best, Jim Anderson was the go-to guy for his family. Whether an episode's crisis revolved around Jim's wife, Margaret, or the three children—"Princess," "Bud," and "Kitten"—Jim was the man with a plan, week after week. Viewers knew that, within the space of a half hour, the most faithful and consistent father in America would always come through.

Christians also have a Father who knows best. And He knows best because He knows us so well. It should be an amazing source of comfort to every believer that they are known and loved intimately by the God who created them. "Episode after episode" in our lives, God is there to provide solutions and support in the way that He knows is best. The solutions may not come in a half hour like they did in the original TV show, but they will come—even if the solution is "No" or "Wait." God's answers are not given primarily for our comfort but for our conformity to Christ (Romans 8:29).

If you have a question or a crisis, take it to the Father who knows you best. You can trust His response, whatever it is.

What is a Christian? . . . The richest answer I know is that a Christian is one who has God as his Father.
J. I. Packer

The father of Jonathan Edwards was a minister and his mother was the daughter of a clergyman. Among their descendants were fourteen presidents of colleges, more than one hundred college professors, more than one hundred lawyers, thirty judges, sixty physicians more than a hundred clergymen, missionaries and theology professors, and about sixty authors. There is scarcely any great American industry that has not had one of his family among its chief promoters. Such is the product of one American Christian family, reared under the most favorable conditions.


The contrast is presented in the Jukes family, which could not be made to study and would not work, and is said to have cost the state of New York a million dollars. Their entire record is one of pauperism and crime, insanity and imbecility. Among their twelve hundred know descendants, three hundred ten were professional paupers, four hundred forty were physically wrecked by their own wickedness, sixty were habitual thieves, one hundred thirty were convicted criminals, fifty-five were victims of impurity, only twenty learned a trade (and ten of these learned it in a state prison) and this notorious family produced seven murderers. (Sanders, p.90)

What is the foundation of your family?

Sanders, J.O. (1958). A spiritual clinic. Chicago, IL: Moody Press.

In 1947 sociologist and historian Carle Zimmerman compared the deterioration and ultimate disintegration of various cultures with the parallel in the decline of family unit in American. His study identified specific patterns of behavior that typified the final stages of the disintegration of each culture. Just before each culture fell into total disarray, certain conditions became prominent Dr. Zimmerman traced those elements that led to the demise of the family unit There are eleven in all and among the eleven were:

• Increase and rapid, easy, “causeless” divorce (Guilty and innocent party theory became a pure fictions.)
• Deceased number of children, population decay, and increased public disrespect for parents and parenthood.
• Elimination of the real meaning of the marriage ceremony.
• Popularity of pessimistic doctrines about the early heros.
• Breaking down of most inhibitions against adultery.
• Revolts of youth against parents so that parenthood became more and more difficult for those who did try to raise children.
• Rapid rise and spread of juvenile delinquency.
• Common acceptance of all forms of sex perversions.

So how is the American family doing?


Carle C Zimmerman, Family and Civilization (New York, Harper & Brothers, 1947 pp. 776-777

In the rough and violent 1930’s in Chicago. The Mafia’s membership included a slick lawyer they called Artful Eddie because he was so good at keeping Al Capone out of jail. Time after time, he outwitted the authorities. But Eddie was also the father of a boy named Butch, and deep inside he knew his crime career would severely limit Butch’s opportunities in the further. What else could the son do but follow in his father’s footsteps?

Finally, t he man made a fateful choice, He squealed on Capone. Why? the cops wanted to know. “I want to give my son a break,” Eddie answered, and this time he wasn’t being artful.

Not many weeks later, the mob silenced him forever with two shotgun blasts. Butch, however, went on to apply to Annapolis, and because his father had cleared the family name, he was accepted. In World War II he was the Navy’s number-one ace. The first naval aviator ever to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A few years later, they christened a new Chicago airport after him, and today nearly every traveler in North American knows his name: O’Hare. Instead of going down in history as despicable and vile, the family is remembered with pride.

What are you willing to sacrifice for your children?