Family Matters

Sexual Abuse - Protecting Your Child

Safeguarding our children should begin very early in life.  And many safeguards are dependent upon the parent actions in a variety of ways.  Here is a limited list of some of the considerations.

Please do not hesitate to post specific questions.  

In my next post I will address a growing area of risk; the internet and other electronic means of communications.

Child Sexual Abuse – Consider the Reality

In light of the recent reports of child sexual abuse by a trusted coach with Penn State I am sharing some important insights that ALL those who have responsibilities for children should consider. But this is much more than opinion.

What I am sharing is based on my background, training, and experience as a:
·         Retired criminal investigator that have investigated crime against children in the U.S. and abroad.
·         Developer and instructor of a national child sex abuse investigation training program.
·         Foster parent who has provided a safe haven for more than 30 children.
·         Leader in a child welfare agency.
·         As the parent of two daughters who were stalked by a sexual predator now serving a length prison
      sentence.

 I can assure you that child sexual abuse is a threat to every family with children in America. I have seen the worst of the worst.  Please understand, child sexual abuse is a silent epidemic! 

It can happen to any family.  You can never be too vigilant.


·         90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way; 68% are abused by family members.
·         Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.

In the past I have personally taken into custody a physician, a clergyman, a scout leader and a elementary school teacher.  Please understand the typically child sex offender is a well respected member of society, is a skilled communicator, very friendly and engaging and often well educated.

In a future blog post I will address what parents and others responsible for the well being of children can do the protect the children they love.

Then came the unexpected lesson.  His lesson would be brief but quite impacting. God did not provide a theme for the teaching.  But I will call the lesson, “Limitations + Unlimited God = Results”

Even though I prayed for no distractions, a distraction immediately happened.  My eyes locked onto a young man and woman coming down the aisle beside me.  The man was leading with the woman following.  He was talking. She was silent.   The scene passing me brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart because there was much more taking place than movement and words.  This couple was quite dependent on each other. And their dependence was quite obvious to others as well as myself.  You see, the man, a quadriplegic, was in a wheelchair. The woman was acting as his arms and legs but controlling the wheelchair.  But the woman was equally dependent on the man.  She needed his eyes because she was blind. Her white cane tucked under her arm.   Together their progress was smooth and steady. The sighted man was the navigator instructing the lady “pilot” when and where to turn and at what point to stop.  The young lady was the source of power and control moving them toward their destination.  

God reminded me though this act of mutual support how all of us have limitations or so-called disabilities.  Many of our limitations are not as visible as those of these two children of God.  But regardless of our inabilities we all have something to contribute in service to others. This couple had a common goal; join with others in worshiping their Lord.  I reflected on the reality that God sees what we cannot. His power is unlimited and can take us to destinations that we could never conceive, not to mention achieve without Him.

As I continued to ponder what I had observed in two Christians with visible limitations my thoughts turned to my two adopted children.  Both came to us as foster children.  Both entered life with what many would say were “two strikes against them.” And both have been given labels of, “disabled’, “special needs” and “handicapped.”

Neither my wife nor I had initially planned to provide them with a “forever family.” We were just seeking to help needy children for a season. But we not only discovered that they needed us.  We needed them; much like the couple needing each other as they moved down the aisle at church.  God used these two foster and later adopted children to challenge us, strengthen us and mold us for His glory.  God has blessed us through them in ways to numerous to count. Yes, there has been great heartache and at time even fear.  The pain and trials have been many.  But through it all there is an unexplainable peace and joy.  

But even before we adopted these two precious children God adopted us.  And it is only because of His adoption of me that I have the power to move forward in spite of my limitations. 

So, what are your limitations?  Who is guiding you? Who is providing the power to move you forward?  Think about it.

 “I Couldn’t Do That To My Own Children”

     “Oh Bob, I couldn’t do that to my own children.” This is a statement I sometimes hear when talking to people about the possibility of ministering to needy children as a foster parent. When I hear comments like this I silently pray, “Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be a foster parent and what it has done to my children.” Following is two of many reasons why I offer this prayer of thanksgiving; two of my daughters. 

     Today, I have two married daughters whose lives were intertwined with dozens of foster children for two decades.  From their earliest childhood experiences, seldom do they remember a time when foster children were not a part of our family. If you sat down with these two young women today and asked, “How did being a part of a foster family impact your life?” the response would be something like, “God blessed me as part of a foster family and helped shape me into the person I am today.” 

      Our oldest daughter was a “big sister” to dozens of children. I believe that because she was in an environment with so many younger children, she developed leadership and nurturing skills even before she entered elementary school.  As she grew she went on to become a leader in her high school and university and as an educator and mentor for at-risk children.  After serving as a mentor for at-risk teens, she was approached by a school administrator asking her to consider teaching in an intercity school with a highly diverse student body.  Later, as she interviewed for the position, she was asked about how she would deal with the challenges of a diverse student population where many of the students are from at-risk families.  Her response was something like, “As long as I can remember I have been a part of a family with a diverse population where many of the children were from at-risk families."  Because of her ability to adjust to all sorts of situations she was offered the job, and she readily accepted the challenge.  After just one year in the classroom with many troubled youth, she was named “New Teacher of the Year” in her large school system.

     And her husband is a servant as well (a good reason she was attracted to him). He has served his country as a U.S. Air Force Officer since graduating from college.  But his servant spirit began years previous as a firefighter and life guard.  As I proudly watch him work together with my daughter in parenting my beautiful granddaughter and handsome grandson, I am most thankful.

     Another reason for me to be thankful took place several months ago.   I observed my second daughter and the young man who is now her husband at a gathering of adults interested in orphan care.  While they where the youngest adults in attendance, they knew much more about the plight of orphans than some twice their age.  The ministers, community leaders, adoptive and foster families, and others child advocates all shared with others in attendance why they came to the gathering.  Near the end of the “share time” my son-in-law (who has been around our family for years) and daughter captured the attention of the group as they expressed their calling to reach out to needy children. Their passion for needy children was expressed with not only words but also tears as well. You see, both of them had “been there – done that.” They had not only heard about needs, they had touched and had been touched by the lives of the less fortunate in their community and beyond. This daughter and son-in-law had regularly traveled to serve children in an area that is labeled “poorest county in the U.S.” This daughter also worked at an orphanage in Uganda, cared for the children of young widows in our own community, and nurtured hundreds of children in a large church’s preschool ministry.  Now with a degree in early childhood education, she continues to impact the lives of little ones. And my new son-in-law?  Well, he is serving in an intercity church that has as one of its focuses, at-risk youth.

     Yes, when my wife and I first became foster parents our oldest daughter was very young.  And yes, we were somewhat concerned about how fostering would impact our daughter and later our other birth children. In fact, our adopted son, who was severely abused as an infant, came to us as a foster child and was adopted the same month our second daughter was born.  

     All families, regardless of the composition, have challenges and we have not been the exception.  However, looking back over the last twenty-five years we could not have imagined the positive impact that growing up as foster sisters would have on these two grown daughters.

     Finally I would like to say I am so thankful what God did through foster parenting to my wife and I and these two grown daughters.  Blessings do not always come to us as we expect. 

Father Knows Best

For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 103:14

From October 3, 1954 'til September 17, 1960, father knew best. On 203 television episodes of Father Knows Best, Jim Anderson was the go-to guy for his family. Whether an episode's crisis revolved around Jim's wife, Margaret, or the three children—"Princess," "Bud," and "Kitten"—Jim was the man with a plan, week after week. Viewers knew that, within the space of a half hour, the most faithful and consistent father in America would always come through.

Christians also have a Father who knows best. And He knows best because He knows us so well. It should be an amazing source of comfort to every believer that they are known and loved intimately by the God who created them. "Episode after episode" in our lives, God is there to provide solutions and support in the way that He knows is best. The solutions may not come in a half hour like they did in the original TV show, but they will come—even if the solution is "No" or "Wait." God's answers are not given primarily for our comfort but for our conformity to Christ (Romans 8:29).

If you have a question or a crisis, take it to the Father who knows you best. You can trust His response, whatever it is.

What is a Christian? . . . The richest answer I know is that a Christian is one who has God as his Father.
J. I. Packer

• Normally, give to charities that you are familiar with and you have supported in the past.

•   Make contributions directly to known organizations rather than relying on others to make the donation on your behalf.

• Get a receipt, whenever possible, with the name of the charity on it.

• When receiving online requests, only open email attachments from trusted senders.

• Make sure the organization is legitimate. Go directly to the organization’s website and not an alleged link to the site.

• Be very cautious of individuals claiming to collect funds for the needs of a specific family or individual including those claiming to have established special bank accounts.

• Ask what percentage of the gifts will go to the intended purpose.

• Be very cautious of those soliciting money in person, by phone or in emails that allege that they represent fire fighters, law enforcement or other first responders. Many scams exist.

• Do not provide personal or financial information to anyone who solicits contributions; this could lead to identity theft.

• Avoid cash donations. Whenever possible, pay with a check or credit card directly to the charity.

• When providing gifts-in-kind of clothing, relief items and other tangible property, make sure that those receiving the items represent a legitimate organization.  Some will collect items that are not being provided to the intended users.

• Legitimate nonprofit organizations can found at www.guidestar.org

• For more information on scams can be found at www.LooksTooGoodToBeTrue.com.

For decades the Lord has placed needy children in my life in a variety of ways. First as a criminal investigator dealing with child abuse.  Then, by God's divine direction, as a foster parent and later an adoptive parent.  Today I have the privilege of playing a role in the lives of thousands abused, abandoned and neglect children.

During this journey, Jesus Love Me, has offered much promise.  I have sang this song at bedtime thousands of times for my five children and dozens of others.  But it is much more than a simple child's song.  As the late Paul Harvey would say . . ."And now - the rest of the story.

The song that has been at the center of teaching children about the love of Jesus was not created out of a desire to create a new song.  Jesus Loves Me became a reality out of despair.  The writers, Anna and Susan Warner were quite rare in 19^th Century.  They were financially secure and well educated in a time when women were seldom afforded the opportunity for advanced schooling.  While the girls were motherless since childhood they were extraordinarily close to their father who was a most prominent New York Attorney.  These girls had no worries and few responsibilities. 

Since there home was near the U.S. Military Academy at West Point they often spent their time teaching Sunday School for the cadets.  Through this experience they began to catch a glimpse of the commitment of these young men preparing to serve their country.

Then in 1857 a national economic depression wiped out the Warren’s investments. All the material possessions with the exception of the family home were lost. Mr. Warren never recovered financial or emotionally from the losses.  Not long after Mr. Warren died.

In order to provide for their back needs the Warren sister invested their considerable education in writing.  With a flair for fiction they wrote a novel, The Wide Wide Word, which became a best seller in a very short time.  They continued to write but none of their works would have such world-wide influence as did Anna’s writing of Say and Seal.  While the book itself would not go down in history as an America great its contribution has been long lasting. 

In Say and Seal there is a scene in which a kind gentleman, Mr. Linden, comes to the bedside of a dying child, Johnny Fax.  As the child looks up at Mr. Linden for some kind of strength and hope Mr. Linden pats the boy softly while reciting the words of a poem

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.

Jesus loves me! He who died,
Heaven's gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Jesus loves me! loves me still,
When I'm very weak and ill;
From His shining throne on high,
Comes to watch me where I lie.

Jesus loves me! He will stay,
Close beside me all the way;
He's prepared a home for me,
And some day His face I'll see.

These where the last words the boy would hear before his death and the most touching part of the hundreds of pages of the Say and Seal.

Warren’s writing about trials and death and the love of Jesus and the promise of eternal life were her testimony. And the writing was likely inspired by the looming Civil War.  She knew that the North and South would likely come to blows over state rights and slavery.  Many of the young men she had taught in Sunday School at West Point would face death or grave injuries. Therefore, the words of the poem Jesus Loves Me was as much for the readers as for the imaginary Johnny Fax.

Well, among the readers of Say and Seal was William B. Bradbury, one of the most influencial forces in American church music. On an evening in 1860 Bradbury sought to escape from his work with music and read a good book.  Yet when he read Say and Seal he was inspired to create music to accompany the words of the poem Jesus Loves Me. He immediately went to the piano and began composing the melody.  But sensing this was not enough he grabbed a pen and began writing a simple chorus.

With Warren’s permission he quickly published what would become an important children’s song.  But little did he know that this would be the most important song he ever brought to the American people.

During the Civil War Jesus Loves Me quickly spread across the battlefield. At night time when battles were few soldiers would often gather around a campfire and sing Jesus Loves Me.  The song could be heard echoing on both sides of the battle lines.  Meanwhile, children and adults where singing this new hymn in churches, in schools and community gatherings.  During the four year period of the Civil War Jesus Loves Me became America’s favorite lullaby.

And missionary began to spread the song abroad. It was often the first Christian song taught in Africa, Asia and South America. It has been claimed that Jesus Love Me has been responsible for more conversion that any song, Bible verse or hymn.

Out of one woman’s desire to help a nation deal with and suffering in a war to come Warren subtle way of sharing her faith became the greatest missionary tool of all time.